Weekend 3 - Snellville, GA

As if the stress of travelling with 9 other idiots wasn't enough, the American Airlines degenerates decided to leave our massive team stick bag (thanks Diego) at MIA. Also, I find out that I'm paying for our hotel accomodations, which I later find out I will not be reimbursed for since it qualifies as a "past event". Depressing. Once we got all this sorted out, we got our stick bag reeeeal early in the morning, and off we were to play the shittiest hockey of the season. Ole!

VS SOUTH FLORIDA
Fresh off our win against the Gators, we believed we could win against the Bulls. We gave them a fight, but letting them get 3 goals in the first period proved detrimental to our ultimate objective. Ruble had a solid offensive output in this game, scoring 3. Our team woke up at about the middle of the 2nd period, and despite an additional 3 goals scored in the 3rd, USF just cruised on to a comfortable victory. I remember our power play wasn't getting it done, cashing in only 1 of 4 on the man-advantage. 9-5 USF.

VS LINDENWOOD (B)
Lindenwood is a surprisingly organized roller hockey program. They even have those kids who watch the games in their game jackets cause they're so horrible that they're not allowed to breathe the same air as their starters during games. Scoreless in the first period, falce and diego were fighting for the puck in front of the net, and it squirted out to Pringle and I at the point. After calling Pringle off the puck, I drilled one to the low left side, and in a moment of modest professionalism, skated to the bench. The league awarded that goal to the Falce show but I got an assist so I'm happy. Apparently you gotta belt out a bloody moan at an opposing bench to get noticed around here. The game was competitive throughout, but the difference maker was probably our missed opportunities, with our normally-automatic power play going 1-5. Pringle was credited with another goal he didn't score, and the joke is getting old. 7-5 Lindenwood.

VS EMORY
Disgraceful. An embarassment. Rather not talk about it. I will be pissed for a long time about this game. Jewell 4 g 1a, Gabelman 1g,4a. 11-2 Emory.

VS GEORGIA TECH
Ryan Rapp is a good goaltender. I always heard the hype but then we'd rape GA Tech and shift our focus to more competitive teams like Eckerd. Rapp brought it against us. The only reason they stayed with us in the first period was because of some nasty glovework (our entire team shoots top right corner). Diego decided to come out of hiding and notch a few for himself, including an awesome tick tack toe play with Falce and some other cat. One insignificant insurance goal came courtesy of myself in the third period. Christopher T. Falce passed across and sent me in all alone on Rapp. I sold him on the top right corner and buried it through his five hole. He was understandably irate. When I got to the bench, Lance told me that was the best goal I've scored, but he's only coached us for 3 weeks. 8-3 Miami, capping off a weekend to forget.

Weekend 2 - Ellenton, FL

The J.P. Igloo is now called the Ellenton Sports Arena or something. The drive up was rather smooth, if you don't count the traffic up I-75 for absolutely no reason. I was in Munter's car w/ Jake and Necker and they brought a tv and an xbox which would've bankrupted the vehicle of all it's electricity. Instead, they sung along to the religious rock station for the 2nd half of the excursion.

VS Charlotte (D1)
Charlotte has this 50 point scorer named Lorusso. The next best guy on that team has 21 points. This Lorusso guy is a shrimp, but fast (although that describes most of the Charlotte team). We did a wonderful job holding Lorusso to a measly 4 goals, 2 assists, so that was impressive. Alex kept us in this game with 4 or 5 goals (unclear, as you will see, referees no longer give a shit about the rules of hockey nor proper statistic logging). Let's address this issue for a second...a few months back I was surprised to see that both Hartman and his arch-nemesis, Jorge, are both registered with jersey #21. We all know this is George's fault but nobody seems to want to/be able to fix this mishap. A couple of months and 3 phantom George goals later, and Alex is prepared to quit the team. Well, not yet...We lose by two goals in this game, but the game is represented on the SECRHL site as a 7-7 stalemate. Superb.

VS Florida International (D1)
The superfans (Lee, Deana, Whitney) showed up in time for this eventual 11:00PM faceoff. This game almost echoed the scrimmage. We didn't play nearly as badly in the beginning, but we didn't have penetration until well into the 2nd period. SECRHL decided to be fruit roll-ups and didn't post ANY stats, other than the unofficial, 7-3 rape tally. My goal in this one was off of a nice drop pass by one Christopher Falce. Using "the experience" as a screen, I picked the top right corner. Now that the stats probably will never be posted, I may never catch up to Corpse in the scoring race...major props to his SEVEN-GOAL opening weekend. Retarded.

VS Embry-Riddle (DII)
8:00AM. Embry-fuckin-Riddle. They have gotten better (I guess), but few things are worth getting up at 8AM for. It did make us feel better though when we walked into the rink and saw USF and Charlotte tangling along the boards in their 7AM game. ERAU stayed with us for what seemed like an eternity, until insertion was achieved. Although the statistical inaccuracies in this final score were epic, the lone goal in our 1-0 nailbiter was notched by Jake "Flader FLAAAAD!" Flader. I have no complaints.

VS Florida (D1)
We're tired, we're aching, and we're a little regretful for not taking our chance when we had it against Charlotte. Necker's been welcoming blame ever since that game for what was either a post office shot or just a shot he didn't lift over their goaltender. Then in comes Lance. In arguably his shining moment of his brief you-guys-have-only-been-skating-together-for-3-weeks Miami coaching career, basically wants to play the entire game as if we were shorthanded. We're going to play a passive box, let Florida come into our end, and give them no quality scoring opportunities. It feels strange and very uncomfortable playing this passively, but we understood that it must've drove Florida even more crazy. Nobody gets between Falce and Steelers AFC Championship games. As his boys were in the first quarter of their game against Indianapolis, Falce wasted no time putting us on the board. Our bench was pumped, and so was Chris, who following the goal greeted the Florida bench with a good ol' man scream. Why after the first goal? We may never know. Eventually, with help from a couple of odd man rushes and breakaways, we got out to a quick 3-0 head start on the Gators, which we knew we would need. The whole game was dominated by Florida, but their shots were either shot directly at Munter or shot over the net. This was a game up til the very end, because the Gators slowly made up the ground they lost at the beginning of the game, but they were running out of time. With about 4 minutes left, they netted 2 or 3 goals to tie the score with about 1:30 left. At this point, we're just making sure we don't completely hand the game over to them, but the puck makes a good bounce and Necker heads up the court and into their zone. He decides to let one fly and buries it at just about the :42 mark. I remember hearing someone say "That can't be good for his ego". But everyone's amped up anyway. We later found out that the Gators were utilizing their backup goaltender, which would explain why he was leaning on the crossbar at the time Necker shot the puck, as well as why Falce picked the same top right corner breakaway after breakaway and scored on practically all of them. Whatever, we'll take the win. Specific stats not available courtesy of SECRHL, but the final score was correct: 7-6 Miami.

FIU Scrimmage - Deerfield Beach, FL

With winter break behind us, we were one semester older and one semester fatter. I couldn't help but wonder at many times over the course of this one-hockey-weekend semester: What have we learned by practicing on thursdays and saturdays?
Our test was FIU. A scrimmage on Wednesday. A nice tune-up game so we could get reaquainted with the idea of playing another team in a competitive environment. Lance went all out this time. Not only did he front the money for the rink time, but he paid for referee services as well. We gotta make him a plaque or something so he can lose it forever in all of his boat racing trophies.

This game was a quintessential display of just how different we can play depending on what Miami team shows up. The first 3 periods were garbage (i think we ended up playing 5 or 6 periods). We couldn't skate, couldn't play D, couldn't pass, you name it. The second half of the game we stuck it in there. Alex would cover our ass by describing such a scenario as..."we were just getting our scrotes lined up before sticking it in" or something but nevertheless we hit our stride. After their team calb scored their seventh goal I turned to George (now that I think of it I probably should've turned to someone else) and vowed not to allow any more goals. If they do score a goal, heaven help us if it's the calb. They didn't score for the final two periods.

One event that stuck out in my mind was when I annihilated this kid without using any energy whatsoever. This kid was streaking down the far side as I hopped off the bench, so I skate over, and he skates right into me and makes me look like a fucking rockstar. The kid gets up and gives me some staredown. He has one of the worst facial hair situations I've ever seen. I tell him that he ran into me. He looks like he wants to fight or something. I got penalized for that. After the game he tells me "Don't worry man that's hockey man don't worry". What a strange, ugly kid.

Jacob's Encounter

Flader told me recently that he had a run in with none other than Western Carolina at the hotel elevator fresh off the asswhooping we handed them. Jake wanted to hop on the elevator, to which the WCU players responded, "no room for gay ass Miami players". We play Western Carolina the last game of the season in Savannah, GA. Let's hit 50.

Weekend 1 - Snellville, GA

We left from manor a la Ruble at 2:30, a horrible start time, due to a holdup involving new Mike taking a test. The van was a Ford Econoline 350 15-person van, though the van really could only hold 11. The other 4 would've had to be piled into the trunk (insert Hartman-inspired racist joke here). Some items inside the van included a GPS, 2 laptops, Sirius satellite radio, TV, Xbox, a wooden leg and an Argentinian. Pringle had to be picked up at Hartsfield Airport once we got into Atlanta, which was at midnight (surprisingly). Attribute that to Ruble learning that he could drive the van like an NSX.

VS ELON
Everyone knew Elon was going to be the toughest opponent we'd face this weekend. They were the only team out of the 5 teams we played that went to Nationals the previous year. In the opening period, they jumped out to a quick 2-0 lead, with assistance from a Chris Falce high sticking penalty. We answered back with two of our own in the 2nd period, one of which being Falce's redemption goal, which continued the 2 year history of our team opening a season with a shorthanded goal (Yours truly, last year). Longnecker had a good 4 goal output including a top left corner snipe job. We did come back after being behind again, but ended up tying Elon 5-5. We never led in the game. Some would say that the score doesn't properly depict the way the game went. I believe that we hit our stride in the 2nd period and just ran out of time towards the end. Apparently we hit both posts at the end of the game. The tie feels an awful lot like a loss, but fortunately for us, it isn't.

VS WESTERN CAROLINA
"Ownership". A word uttered by Falce after we were leading 2-0 in the first period. So much for class. This game was one of those Maxi Stat-Pad games, except for the fact that Western Carolina took themselves waaaay too seriously. Flader and Ruble had a huge problem with this. As far as the game goes, Miami won this one 13-2. If we go by the stats, which I believe are inexplicably wrong, Necker, Falce, Pringle: 3 goals. I got a goal in this one, a shot I tried to rip but ended up scoring on a fan. Switched sticks immediately. Mike got his first career SECRHL goal, and Alex had a goal and 4 helpers...sweet. According to the SECRHL site, I got unsportsmanlike conduct and roughing penalties. What a crock. Now I have to deal with degenerate referees who don't know Necker's #16 from my #18. There was so much trash being exchanged at the end of the game. Later, near the locker rooms, Western Carolina players were ganging up on Necker, who was passing by. Ruble started flying off the handle, trashing the Carolina players. Lance had to hold his old man back.

VS ECKERD
The sequence of games was Miami-W.Carolina, Elon-GA Tech, Miami-Eckerd. So we just stayed half dressed. Everyone's body was aching and drained of energy. People were slamming cans of Red Bull that Falce brought for the weekend. So with this being Eckerd, we sat back on our heels and let them skate around for a bit. They scored a QUICK goal :16 into the game, which woke us up a bit. Then, they got rolled on. Or as Alex would say, "we stuck it in". Falce & Necker: 4 goals. Flader, Levine, Ruble and Mike: 1 goal. Diego: 1st SECRHL goal. Alex: 3 assists, Ruble: 4 assists. Get this: Chili, George, and Sizzle were "Scratches". This website is getting more and more comprehensive. Miami wins 14-1.

For dinner, Lee, Necker, and Jake went on a gang date to Waffle House. The rest of us went out to Hooters, except for Mike and I, who hit up the best Mexican food ever, Frontera Mex Mex Grill. After our Mextacy trip, we went next door to rejoin everyone at Hooters. There was almost nobody at this Hooters and it was a Saturday night. When we asked, our waitress (Shelly, I think) told us that Sunday was the last day before that particular restaurant shut down. So Falce got a signed picture of her just for fun. The rest of the night was spent racing over speed bumps. Alex got a nut off getting Diego to say "fucking nigger" a handful of times. Then he literally got a nut off in the hotel room.

VS GEORGIA STATE
This is where I wonder how the stats can be right. I understand that Falce and Necker score a lot, but Falce getting 7 goals, 3 assists in this one? Hmmmm. Our perennial nemesis, Taylor Popp, had a goal and an assist, but that's all we had to worry about in this game. The end result? 15-4 Miami. A little closer, but still a blowout. Necker had 3 goals, 5 assists, Diego came through with 2 goals, 4 assists, and I had 2 goals. Alex, as usual, came out with a good output. This time with 1 goal, 2 assists. I should stop rattling off all these statistics when I recap these one-sided romps. Nobody will take offense from here on out.

VS DUKE
Duke has a girl on their team who got a silver medal at some Women's world cup in Canada. Basically the girl is the best player on their team, and frankly, the most agressive girl I've seen play the game since Hayley Wickenheiser back in the olympics. But of course that was ice, and I don't really watch women play hockey a whole lot. Necker and Falce: 4 goals, myself: 3 goals. Pringle: 3 goals. Most importantly, we helped Munter get his first shutout of the season. Munter played out of his mind at times in the game, when a bunch of Blue Devils swarmed the net. Speaking of out-of-mind experiences. Ruble: 6 assists. At least Duke took this one like gentlemen (and ladies), unlike W. Carolina. W. Carolina, Jake wants to fight you. All of you. Falce, too.

The van rides, both to Atlanta and back, were loud, but for other reasons than most presumed. Necker had bursts that were few and far between, while Hartman and Flader were the loudest ones of them all. This was due to NHL 2005 and NCAA 06. Of course, by the time we got home, Mike was ready to kill Necker and the two had a heated exchange in Ruble's driveway. Other than that, there were really no fights to report. People got along and as a result we rolled on people. The End.

"SECRHL" 2005-06

With a new league and two new players, University of Miami is primed for a run of epic proportions. This season is not without it's "ifs", including if Chili's going to end his weekly practice holdouts, if Necker will ever stop talking, if the new guys, Diego Kaant and Mike Segretto, will make contributions, if Lance will lay the gauntlet down and get the best out of all of us, if any of these Carolina teams which are now in our division are anything to worry about, if the front 4 will stop worrying about goals for a second and play defense, if any money will be left after this Atlanta excursion, if Munter doesn't get injured, and if George knows his role, whatever it ends up being.

Atlanta will be our first weekend...Snellville to be exact. Instead of taking a flight, we're gunna have Ruble spearhead the locker room on wheels, a Ford Econoline van...it's going to be awesome for about an hour or so. At this point, the quality of Necker's jokes will continue to deteriorate exponentially. Those who are able to sleep in the hostile environment that is a moving vehicle with Necker in it will do so. Jealous onlookers will subsequently weigh the pros and cons of suicide. It'll be a long trip, definately more than 12 hours, so I'll most likely bring my GPS so I'll have the answer to the infamous questions, "Where are we?" and, "How much longer will I have to listen to this peg leg?"

The latest departure time is at 1pm on Friday which is absolute shit in my opinion but I understand Pringle has a test that day. He should ace it if there's a question asking how to put Sizzle on the physically unable to perform list. What the hell did you do to that kid's heel? and HOW?

Ice Blog???

Email sent to Flader:

"Please pass on my email to the ice hockey players if they would like me to help them organize a team for UM. I am really interested in bringing it down to Miami. I recently did research on this for a project in a class of mine and UM and Wake Forest are the only two ACC schols not to have an ice hockey team. Also UM is one of the few colleges in the state of FL not to have a team. So please pass my email on to them if they would like to start a team. People think that ice doesn't exist in FL, but it does and I'd like to spread the word. Thanks, Paige"

People who have previously played ice (as I remember):
Levine - D
Falce - F/D
Chili - F
Lewis - D
Necker - F
Hartman - F
Ruble - D (1 year)
Munter - G (1 year-hated it)
Pringle????

It's a big IF, since people's work schedules, class schedules, and roller schedules could all interfere at some point, but if these people are game to start this thing up, all we need is a good goaltender, as munter might not be as inclined to do ice and is graduating anyway. It would be easier to recruit ice players, in my opinion, since a major influx of UM students are from the northeast. Lewis claims he knows a goaltender already who would want to play ice...

Nationals - Fort Collins, CO

We must've waited 3+ hours for those bastards to change the flat tire on our plane to Denver. Jake missed his $250 GRE exam, I got locked out of most of my courses, and Necker was pissing everyone on the plane off with his constant bantering. Will sat separate from us, since he bought his ticket late, and slept the entire time. He was completely unaware there even was a delay. Textbook Will. Ever since he got his ipod mini he's been on another planet before games, sometimes even during them. Keep rolling on people keep rolling on people.

Also before we got off the ground, we had the opportunity to witness chivalry's death embodied by Lewis' unwillingness to relinquish his seat so Deana could sit with her beloved. Sweet upbringing! (In an unrelated instance, I just got some email from Falce reiterating his theory that Jorge keeps everyone's money, that will be me next year as Gramps has appointed me team treasurer. I'll take care of y'all, you'll see.)



(Whoever grabs the pole highest is off the team)

VS Saint Louis University
"SLU! SLU! SLUUUUUUUUUUUUU!" is probably the last chant you wanna hear as you're gasping for what little oxygen is around. Our first game was an initiation of sorts, to the tournament, to the surface, and most of all to the elevation. I don't care what anybody says: nothing can prepare you for lighter air. You could see it play out on the court, gameplay slows down to almost retard caliber hockey. I wondered why some teams made it to Nationals in the first place, mistakenly believing they were playing at 100% speed. Saint Louis jumped out to a 2-0 lead fairly quickly, and the score was later 3-1, but we fought back with goals from Falce (PP, Even), Chili, and Longnecker to make it 4-3 UM. Some faggot named Marty Finn scored the equalizer at the end of the game, and our first Natty game ended in a gruesome tie. One thing I remember vividly from this game is Longnecker jumping off a little early and being called for too many men. I've NEVER seen Lance as pissed as he was at that moment. Even though the game was a tie, we thought the SLU goaltender really stood on his head, and that we really got the better of Saint Louis. We practically dominated the 2nd and 3rd periods.

VS Maine
Maine sounds like a team that is filthy at hockey. They're a top 5 DII team, they know their hockey up in Maine, and when we watched them faceoff against Reno the previous day, they were keeping up for a long time before getting spanked 6-1. We ended up outshooting them each period, but got behind them in the 2nd. Again, we had to play from behind, with 2 of our goals scored on the power play, and one notch by Falce which just could NOT have happened without such a gorgeous pass from a handsome bearded man wearing #18. Necker and Falce had good outputs (1-1-2, 2-2-4, respectively). I remember this game being physical, as Pringle and Falce were both given 2 minutes for "checking". I can never say that with a straight face...7-4 Black Bears.

VS University of Nevada-Reno
It felt like shit going into a game against Reno with an 0-2 tournament record, but nevertheless we did a pretty good job delaying the inevitable. - 6 minutes, 19 seconds to be exact. That was when Reno started their 11-2 victory with a power play goal (followed by two shorties!). Our shining moments were provided by Falce and Chili (PP). I felt horrible for Munter this game, since he faced 44 shots. I'm not sure if we give him 44 shots in practice. I can't speak for anyone else, but I have a couple of memories of this game that stand out in my mind. Reno has this Alaskan albino on their team named Devon Hume that played like absolute garbage. Aside from giving you toe-drags for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, he was easily the cheapest player in the tournament, hacking, slashing and grabbing anyone on the court who was raised in the contiguous 48 states. He came up the middle towards poor Munter so I hit him. For chrissake 44 shots is enough, you know? So the guy went down like the pussy he is, and sure enough, the great Steve Van Ness is up in my grill. For the uninitiated, our pal Steve is the only jabroni I've ever seen attempt 3 hot-dog, showoff maneuvers after scoring one goal (down on knees pump, on one leg bended knee pump, tiger woods pump, EXCLUDING: down-the-bench pounds from teammates). I asked him what he was going to do about the situation, knowing full well it'd be nothing, and he skated away. I'll hand it to Reno: they had crazy chemistry. You would think they sleep in their hotels with their unprotected cocks in each others asses. Of the big six, all are from Anchorage, 4 are brothers (Van Ness', Jones'), one's an albino, and one's almost named after a vitamin (Tony Luiten). What a group.

So here we are, 0-3 record, and we gotta go into some meeting and sell our souls for a legitimate tournament seed. Coach Lance asked us to pick a team representative, so naturally we lean towards our keystone, the glue that keeps this team bonded "Ten Minutes Later" Flader. Longnecker expressed huge interest in being our team rep, but Lance advised against it, saying Necker is simply too emotional to be put in a situation like that. So what do we do? We send him in. And Necker puts on a show, delaying the meeting's adjournment with his banterings. Fortunately, whatever council gave a shit actually caved under the pressure, giving us what I remember as a 5th seed. This allowed for a rematch with Maine. Maine was beatable. And we were ready for them.

VS Maine (tourney)
Munter put on a hell of a performance in this game, which started at 8AM and went back and forth with Maine getting out to a 2-0 lead before we did something about it in the 2nd period. Hartman and Necker provided some offensive firepower (2g each) and Ruble got in on the scoring with his goal. Munter grew accustomed to his 40 shot outing against Reno, and actually faced 47 shots in this one! One thing about these shots, however, were that they were long ones, which made a difference. Maine had tendencies to try and score from half court. Often attempting to shoot through the defenseman. I had tons of fun blocking those shots with Munter. This game saw the death of my CCM Vector stick that I had been using for most of the season, but more importantly, saw the death of our losing streak. Making the most of our 18(!) shots, Miami wins a nailbiter, 5-4. On to SLU!

VS Saint Louis University (tourney)
It felt great to win again, and to send a team from Maine, back to Maine...crying. We had good reason to think that we could beat SLU, since their goalie couldn't stand on his head again and steal yet another win from us...But instead of giving you an excrutiatingly detailed synopsis, I'll just cut to the chase. 9-3 SLU. The loss hurt enough, but the SLU chants were accompanied with relentless homosexual counting everytime a goal was scored. (ex. 9th goal: 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9 SLU SLU SLUUUUUU). At least when we eliminated Maine we didn't rub it in their faces.

The rest of Nationals is a haze of memories. Wyoming excursions, Bennigans outings, drag racing, Chilis traditions, off roading, picture taking, and player hating. Special props go to our biggest fans: Whitney, Deana, and several family members who made the trip (Munter's Dad, Alex's fam, Flader's fam, Pringle's fam, etc.). When we left Denver, we were ranked 5th in the nation and concluded an amazing breakthrough season. With everyone coming back next year, including Lance, this team will have championship aspirations. I can't wait.