Weekend 2 - Deerfield Beach, FL

The only reason i chose to delay with this entry is because the powertools at SCRHA have failed to post the Eckerd game, one of the few bright spots this weekend. I LOOOOVE Eckerd. But not as much as Embry-Riddle. They'll get theirs.

What a disappointing weekend this was: It started off right when we got there. George walked in with skates that he was going to glue shut, while Will walked in without skates altogether. Luckily for everyone, he had his "other skates". Smart move to buy two pairs of skates. Maybe Will was ahead of himself on this one.

There are no "locker rooms" per se. If you were to ask the SportsMall workers, they'd get all defensive and say that they have one in the mens room and two areas in the corners of the rink. The sluts at the SportsMall don't even know what a fucking locker room is. Moving right along, we dress in the locker bathroom, carry our bags to the corner area...

...and proceed to lose to FIU. To realize the magnitude of this, you must understand that FIU (0-2) beat us (2-0) by the score of 4-2 despite being absolutely bombarded with our shots. Check this out:

SHOTS: (1, 2, 3, T)
MIAMI 19, 18, 18, 55
FLORIDA INT'L 10, 7, 6, 23

Recockulous. We couldn't score on our power plays (0/7) either. Fights broke out in this one, with props to Will, who was not only the third man in, but punched some guy in the face as he was skating, Jermaine O' Neal style. Afterwards, he actually argued with the ref about the call. Oh, William.

Before the game, we had to switch benches. So when i went to go grab my spare stick, a $100+ Nike Quest Apollo Lemieux, it was gone. Some faggot from UCF decided he needed a new stick. My partner in crime, Whitney, and Falce's girlfriend (sorry, don't know her name) did some recon while we went and played the FIU game. More on this later...

May I just say that this year is the first year the SCRHA is allowing heavy hitting...with this in mind, we are playing with no shoulder/chest pads or hockey pants. Everyone, Jake and JC especially, are getting their bells rung. So under the circumstances, at the end of the game, I decided it would be fun to annihilate some guy in the corner. Apparently the ref thought it was a little early, so I watched some fruitcup named Ryan Lombarda score the insurance goal soon afterward as I sat in the box. To the team: I apologize. To Ryan, I'm gunna get you on January 22nd, 5pm at the J.P. Igloo live on Pay Per View.

The next game is UCF, which means I'm gunna start a meelee if need be to get this stick back. I round up this posse that probably included the whole team minus 2 or 3, as soon as he walked through the door we approached him. Sources tell me that Chris Falce leaped out from his place at the bar and ran over ready to start some shit. Thatta boy, Falce. I'm proud to call you my teammate. Will decided he'd be the diplomat in this one, as we got the stick back in our possession in probably under 5 seconds. I was surprised at how fast he relinquished his newfound artifact. Must've been the posse. Thanks guys.

The second game against Central Florida was a foregone conclusion although I was pleased with the effort. UCF is ranked 17th in the nation in Division 1 play, yet it was only 6-3 at the end of the second period. The third one was mine, in a deja vu of this year's first goal. Me stripping the puck from some jackoff and scoring on a breakaway top right corner, except it wasn't shorthanded this time. Study me on video, please before I do it again! We lost 9-3, which gave us something to look forward to (Eckerd) going into tomorrow 0-2.

Eckerd was fun shit. They've always been bad but by some act of God they won against us three times last year. Just puts things into perspective. Lewis scored two right off the bat as if his life was being threatened. I scored a really soft goal through this freshman goalie's five-hole. Kid Rock actually showed some hostility this game, shoving me when i had the puck. However, it's hard to hit someone when you have absolutely no speed. Overall, our team looked like the Soviets against them, showing a nice display of passing and team chemistry. Miami wins by some unofficial score of 173-2.

The next game, against Miami-Dade, was a well fought game blown at the end. We scrimmaged them at Suniland in South Miami where they blew us out, but we felt we were a better team than that and showed it. They delayed the start of the game as long as they could because their goalie didn't bother showing up. So we got a freebee goal (Alex) at the start of the game. Somebody dressed like a goalie showed up later and then the real goalie decided to grace us with his presence. Alex Hartman had a career game, notching 5 goals. I got one in the second period after I left the penalty box. George rushed up and passed one across for the one timer. The third period was all Dade. It felt like every shot towards the end of the game went in. 8-8 TIE!!! What a drag. A win snatched away.

My Offensive Output: 3G 1A (5-5-10) (unofficial. Includes Eckerd Goal, had 2 assists at least tho)
SCRHA Scoring Rank: 9th (c'mon Eckerd game!!!)
Overall UM Record: 3-2-1

Yearbook/Nat'l Ranking

I remember last year when the yearbook took a team picture of the UM Roller team, I told everyone to make sure they didn't smile. Props to the team, all 6 of them, for their obedience. The result: a severely pimp pic. Check it:

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You may believe that the aforementioned picture aint that great, but in comparison to the toolsheds in the "Adrian Empire Club", we're fucking rockstars.



Yes, that is my roommate.

Logging onto SCRHA, I discovered that we are now ranked 9th in DII play. I'm lovin it. However not as much as Bill. Here's his response to the situation:

Auto response from ibisblood06: My team is #9 in the country...I'm #15 in points in the country, I'm workin on straight A's this semester...what's missing in my life???.....oh yeah, a fuckin GIRLFRIEND!!

Nice, Heinz.

Weekend 1 - Ellenton, FL

Strangely the season starts off with a 2 game weekend. Normally, we do 2 games on Sat., and two on Sun. The SCRHA is one cracked out mutha.

Our first game was a pleasant surprise. North Florida, our opponent, is apparently in their inaugural year. Uh oh. It took me 2 minutes and 13 seconds for me to get my roll on. Shorthanded, i stripped some "Osprey" of the puck and went in on a breakaway. No dekes, just top right corner. Chris Falce, a fine young man and fellow teammate, managed to get an assist on that play while sitting on the bench. I aspire to be as talented as that someday. What a gamer that kid is.

Speaking of gamers, Will Heinz(-Kerry) decides to do a spin-o-rama on a breakaway when it's 4-1 in the first period. William sure knows how to party.

Overall this game was never close. We had a solid game as a team, and Alex Hartman and Pringle (Josh Hingle) had some solid, 2-goal performances. Miami wins 12-4.

Getting grub was hard. We wanted to go to Chilis badly, but got bad directions from some oldass vaginas at our hotel. "Just go down 301 for ten minutes and it should be on your left". If only life were that easy. Don't bother mentioning the Tamiami Trail we were supposed to get onto. Senility is a cost this hockey team was unwilling to tolerate after such a wonderful blowout of a game. With some help from normal, healthy people, we got to Chilis, and watched the UM-Clemson disaster at the bar. George ordered the most boring thing on the menu, and ATE EVERYONE ELSE'S FOOD.

Our hotel was the Guesthouse Inn. Decent, i guess. I was in a room with Jake Flader, Lewis, and William Heinz-Kerry. After dinner we sure wanted to get into the hot tub. However, aside from being yellow and half empty, the temperature was somewhere in the 60s. Pool was not desirable. I pissed in it anyway. From the fucking balcony. I rule.

Flader decided it would be clutch to get us chocolate shakes from Checkers. Xtra large style. George was out like a shot and the rest of us were giddy as schoolchildren. Flader's credit card didn't clear, so we dared him to drop a heater in the pool. He didn't pull through. The card did, but come on, Jake!

The next game was a tough 7AM start time, but we more than made up for it by proper-fucking Georgia State into submission. Being the special teams stalwart, I notched a power play goal this time, off of a great give-and-go with the First Lady that could have been, Will. Will decided that passing it was a huge mistake so he decides to score 3 goals in one shift (3:49, 4:18, 4:24) in the 3rd period. Alex notifies him that he just notched a Jewish Hat Trick. Smooth, Alex.

Final score: 11-2 Miami.

We realize via the SCRHA team page that we are ranked #15 in the nation in Division II. How sweet and insignificant at the same time. Good weekend though. Definately a welcome change from last year, as we amassed 5 wins in total.

My Offensive Output: 2G 4A (2-4-6)
SCRHA DII Scoring rank: 3rd
Overall UM Record: 2-0

A Roller Whore

I didn't wanna be a complete and utter whore by starting my own journal about my life, so i'll just be a fraction of a whore and write about a standalone sector of my life: UM fuckin roller hockey.

Ice hockey rules, roller hockey, eh. But if i limit this shit to just hockey i won't get carried away with the other stuff that people just don't care about. Because we all wanna know how the University of Miami Roller Hockey team is doin, don't we? Enough talkin, lets blog.